Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The struggles of a small town man whore
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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