Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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