Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
