oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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