I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
