There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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