yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize