Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
