Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
