I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
