I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
