Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
