just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
