Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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