I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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