I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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