did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We just shotgunned beers for America
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
