I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
