where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
