Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
