Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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