I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
