i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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