you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
