New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
