I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
