My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
