My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
