fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
