Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
