She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
