did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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