theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
