I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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