Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
