Im at strip club and am horny
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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