I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
