Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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