Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
