I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
