Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
