I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
