I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize