She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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