If i come over, it means nothing
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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