I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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