Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
