tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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