Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize