It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Randomize
