Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
