hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
