Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
