my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
