So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
