is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
