just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
