you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
