Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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