So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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