I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
