I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
