I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
