Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
