So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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