god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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